Photo from Paolo Loves 2 Shop
I have been thinking a lot about friendships lately. In the past year I have had a number of my close female friendships change drastically.
I have found that people really enjoy when you stay static. That way they always know exactly what to expect from you all of the time. It’s when you change your life that people find it challenges their life and their perceptions of you. Once I decided I was no longer comfortable living my life in the same way it greatly affected all of my relationships.
First of all when I was traveling a ton and would be in Toronto for literally a nano-second a lot of my relationships started to fall of the radar during this period. It took a lot of effort to figure out my schedule, when I’d be in town, and to make time to hang out during those few days. So a lot of the close relationships that remained after that were people who really wanted to be around me and took an active role in making that happen. That was not my intention, it was just my life being a busy person traveling for both work and for personal reasons. It was literally a year of ‘Up in the Air‘.
Those who didn’t get a huge opportunity to see me then but understood my schedule were patient and realized that nothing between us had changed between us, but just that we were both busy and we would resume our relationship as soon as we were able.
After my intense travels, I got pretty ill. I was sick for months actually. It’s not something that I was public about because I wasn’t really sure that it was necessary to state. During this time I was at home mostly and not able to attend a lot of social functions. Those that saw me then were few and far between. They were the people who really cared for me and made the effort and time investment to come see me at home as I wasn’t able to really be very mobile.
Photo from Miss Quite Contrary
Then I had an epiphany that I was done working full-time and I was ready to go freelance. Which led me to travel frequently and once again, be out of town a lot. Rinse and repeat. After returning to Toronto after a few months of that I started to work on my TV series and got pretty much enveloped in all that while still working freelance. Once again my time was limited, my energy was scarce, and my social life took a bit of a nose dive. Yet those who were truly interested and invested stayed close by my side and those on the periphery waited until my schedule cleared and I was ready to push that pause button.
During these big changes in my life I have realized those who really want to be close to me are there for me when I am busy being a jet-setter, laying low feeling ill for months on end, busy hustling, and when I am flying high on a new project. These people support me through thick and thin and aren’t offended when I am not available to hang on patios like I was in the past, or not able to play the large role in their life that I might have at one point. These are the people who love me for me and are happy that I change and evolve, but yet still support me even when I am feeling down.
So while I feel sadness for those relationships that have been lost in the past year or two, I realize that those who have had the patience to stick around and be there for me are the type of friends that you keep for life. To the others who preferred that I stay static so that I can suit their purposes are the type of people who want friendships for their own gain.
Photo from the Art of Observation