The dating woes of a half-breed

 

Still of Paulette Goddard from North West Mounted Police

True love will conquer all. That is what most people are told from friends, from relatives, from society. That is all that matters when you are choosing your life partner. That is, unless you are Native. If you are Native (or even a half-breed like myself), then you have a whole history of colonization, assimilation, legislation, and expectations weighing down on your decision making process in the dating arena.

It becomes greater than the more typical type of family pressure to marry a certain type of person, or marry within a certain race or religion. It is different because it is something that has plagued Native communities for the past few decades. I say plagued because the thought process in itself has become an epidemic of it's own sort. The thought process is that if you marry Native and have Native babies (preferably a lot of them), then we as a collective nation will grow stronger because we are stronger in numbers and we are not diluting our Native Indian status, our blood quantum. The goal would be then that the government and Canadian population will have to listen to our viewpoints as we would have strength in numbers. This is evident today as our political voice is strengthened in matters close to the land, and close to our communities. The results of this disposition are also evident as Aboriginal youth are now the fastest growing demographic in Canada. So the pressure is huge from the community, to say the least.

I don't have pressure from my immediate family to date Native men, they will be content with whomever I choose, just as long as I am happy. Although I do think that my brothers would much prefer I marry someone that they can talk to about Indian things like hunting, fishing, and traditional life. But on the other side I was raised a "city girl" so their expectations of me being with a man interested and skilled in these areas is next to nothing. It's more of a wish list, just as I would love for them to marry a woman that I can go shopping in Yorkville with and connect on that level, but that's not likely either. We simply live entirely different lives, hence the name "Urban Native Girl".

Not having that pressure from my family does not mean that it does not exist for me. Dating Native is the quietly spoken rule that pervades the very essence of all of the Native communities that I exist in. How else can the community be preserved? If one of us dates outside our genetic pool, we inevitably become further from our culture and participate less in community and gatherings. I know that this isn't true for everyone, but generally when two people partner and have varied circles, they tend to split their time amongst them rather than just joining at one.

These expectations that exist are very strong for me as I have been raised outside my culture, apart from tradition, in the suburbs, as a half-breed in a European household, and thus I am looked upon by many as an "outsider" in Native circles. If I date Native I am gaining greater acceptance and access into a culture that I have always been outside of. But isn't that precisely why all of the rules regarding blood quantum were created: to exclude, to assimilate and disenfranchise?

Dating as a half-breed isn’t an easy task when faced with all of these legacies and proposed limitations. When I get down to the core essence of what love is all about and the implications that arise from choosing a partner, I only get one phrase in my head … “to thine own self be true.” Polonius gave great advice to Laertes in Hamlet in that phrase, which is that you always have to take care of yourself first before you can be in a position to take care of others. And that is precisely what needs to be done before one can contribute to building healthy and strong communities.

A country is not a mere territory; the particular territory is only its foundation. The country is the idea which rises upon that foundation; it is the sentiment of love, the sense of fellowship which binds together all the sons of that territory.  ~Giuseppe Mazzini

N.B.
-Club Native trailer for NFB
-Native Appropriations 'Love in the the Time of Blood Quantum'
-My last post on the subject (same title as above, which was accidental ... )
-NY Times Op-Ed 'How Do you Prove Your an Indian?'