Father's Day always makes me feel awkward. My father passed away when I was just four years old. So every year all the kids around me talked about father's day and I did my best to avoid the entire subject so I wouldn't have to explain.
Then as I got older I heard people do the usual complaining of how they had to buy something for their dad and how hard it was to get him a gift. Or how their father was absent and wasn't really around for them and they weren't sure what to do for him. Or worse that they were just plain annoyed that they had to go for lunch with them or bake him some cookies for the occasion. I was always so upset, if they only knew how much I wished that I could have just one lunch with my dad, or just one more moment to spend with him.
What moments I could create or have with him if he were still around, how I would do my best to honor him and all that he is given me every year. But I don't have that chance, I don't get to do it in person. This year I will do it in prayer and in ceremony. I will spend father's day and Aboriginal day with him, loving him and thanking him for blessing me with my Tsilhqot'in heritage and honoring the strong ancestry he has given me.
This final scene from Smoke Signals makes me cry every time.
The written version of this Dick Lourie poem is below.
How do we forgive our fathers? Maybe in a dream.
Do we forgive our fathers for leaving us too often,
or forever, when we were little?
Maybe for scaring us with unexpected rage,
or making us nervous because there never seemed to be any rage there at all?
Do we forgive our fathers for marrying, or not marrying, our mothers?
Or divorcing, or not divorcing, our mothers?
And shall we forgive them for their excesses of warmth or coldness?
Shall we forgive them for pushing, or leaning?
For shutting doors or speaking through walls?
For never speaking, or never being silent?
Do we forgive our fathers in our age, or in theirs?
Or in their deaths, saying it to them or not saying it.
If we forgive our fathers, what is left?
Posts
Wow! A powerful post (and scene). Thanks for sharing. I can sort of relate.
ReplyDeleteI just watched the clip again...so poignant.
ReplyDeleteKaren - it has been something that I have kept to myself a lot and it feels good to share. Last time I watched Smoke Signals I knew that I would have to post that poem up on Fathers day, it is so strong especially with the clip.
ReplyDeleteWhat a touching post. Your pictures of your father are treasures and that poem made me cry as well.
ReplyDeleteMy husband and daughter are Citizen Potawatomi Nation members and I can't even imagine her not growing up with him, but your father is with you in spirit.
xo
Mary Jane
Mary Jane,
ReplyDeleteThank you for the wonderful sentiments and I am glad you shared with me. I think it is so beautiful that you have Native family :D.
I'm sure he would be proud of you. That poem was extremely touching.
ReplyDeleteThat scene from Smoke Signals kills me every time as well. I can't ever get through it without tears. My relationship with my dad has been strained over the years, he's not the greatest guy, and I lost my mom when I was 6. That poem goes straight to my heart.
ReplyDeleteLife requires us to be more reflective lest we neglect the gifts that are often right under our noses. Fashion needs a tribute garment. One that carries a collection of our fondest and most difficult memories, something worthy to be worn on special days and inspire thoughts of those around us as well as ourselves. Something symbolic. I prefer leather. Lisa, I envision yours as a white buckskin jacket and colorful beadwork in a modern non-sterotypical design. Down one sleeve, the poem from "Smoke Signals" in calligraphy. And special thought added to each fringe as the years go by.
ReplyDeletei never knew the author of that poem ( i guess i thought it was part of sharman alexie's genius)...thanks for reminding me of it...we all have strange father's days. i ended up buying a card for a my stepdad..but didnt know what to do for my real father
ReplyDeleteI do not only have one, but two fathers. One is my birthfather and I don't know anything about him. I have no photos, no memories, no one to tell me about him. The other is my adoptive father who loves me and always tries to support me in his own way. I guess we all have our story.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing.
Yamile - I am glad you enjoyed it! Thank you for reading :).
ReplyDeleteThis clip makes me cry everytime as well, and I am not an emotional person, I lost my father quite a few years ago and this is a hard day for me.
ReplyDeleteThat scene gets to me every time. Sometimes I find that movie too hard to watch.
ReplyDeleteAnon - every year it's the same lump in the throat ...
ReplyDeletePapa Cass - it's a sad film, but has light moments which make it just a little bit easier :)