Decade Dating

I once had a notion not to seriously date men who were more than a decade older than me. I figured that was a large enough time lapse to fill, without adding to much strain to a relationship.

In my early 20s I dated an man almost twice my age. He was amazing: intelligent, wise, cool, and a great business man. I loved his Forest Hill home, his Mercedes, and was in love with charity ball functions (not to mention the new shoes). It was however one day when we were meeting that I realized how very different we were. He met me outside Holt Renfrew on Bloor Street for a coffee, then he was off to the races. Literally. He had a horse at Woodbine that he would go and watch on occasion. He wore a brown tweed jacket with patches on the elbows and some equally scratchy-looking dress slacks. Yes they deserved the title slacks. To top it all of was a wool felt fedora. Oh lord, I laughed about it with him at the time but that was the moment I knew we were better off at just being friends.

Then I met a man who told me he was ten years my elder. One decade, check. OK, I thought, I really liked him and he was equally interested in me so we went for it. Come to find out (after a little sleuthing- I am after all a journalist) that he was 44. After the fact that I had already really fallen for him and was imagining my first name paired with his last name (yes I still do that). Hmm, what was a girl to do? I followed my mother's advice (who always married younger) "If you love him, what does it matter?"

So I continued on the relationship, despite breaking the decade rule. I have come out on the other side remembering why I made the rule in the first place. Sometimes, it didn't seem to matter. But when it came to hanging out with his friends (all mid 40s, divorced, and a little bitter) it became strange. They didn't get my references to restaurants, understand the importance of a modern environment, get my taste in music, or really get me in general.

There was one day when I went out to the Keg with former boyfriend and two friends. The next day an acquaintance I knew (pre bf), a Toronto DJ around my age messaged me on FB "I think I saw you at the Keg last night." I was actually a little mortified, not because of my evening, but realizing how strange it must have looked to him me hanging out with three 40 year old men (clearly not the stockbroker types).

I have now decided to reenact the decade dating rule, and have even thought of dating men (gasp) my own age! It is so refreshing for someone to get my references and hang out with someone who would rather listen to 93.5 (Flow) rather than 107.1 (Oldies rock).

While I don't doubt that May-December relationships can work, I know now (once again) that they are just not for me.

"An old man who marries a young wife grows younger, but she grows older." No words can be more true.

Tweet

Pin It